You’ve probably heard of love language by now, right? It’s been in popular culture for a while, and like anything related to pop psychology, is easy to understand, while also getting heavily misunderstood at the same time. For starters, love language implies that every person has their own idea of what love means to them. For example, here’s five common love languages and what they mean:

• Words of affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
• Acts of service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
• Receiving gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
• Quality time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
• Physical touch: Ranging from having sex to holding hands – the speaker feels affection through physical touch.

So, the premise is that for relationships to thrive, it’s important to understand not just what your own love language is, but what your partner’s love language is. If you both enjoy receiving gifts, then great! Shower each other with clothes, items, gadgets, etc. The more the merrier. However, if one enjoys physical touch, while another requires emotional connection, asking for sex when she needs to just talk probably isn’t going to be the best course of action.

So, what are some of the misunderstandings? One is that love language is definite. It is not. People’s love languages change all the time, and it’s up to you to adapt accordingly. Another is that people only have one love language. Also false. Usually there’s an overlap of different love languages going on all at once. Makes sense right? Receving gifts doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive from wanting to be told you’re loved.

Love language is not the only lesson to learn, but it is an important one. It’s about wanting to learn more about the person you want to be in a relationship with. It’s about caring enough to consider what they want. It’s about being selfless, observing, and listening. It’s about learning to speak the same “love” language.