Q: I have a difficult time making friends and talking to people in general. It feels awkward trying to chat up someone I don’t know. I’m always nervous that I will say the wrong thing and people will think that I’m weird. So, most of the time I end up just sitting by myself, staring at my drink at social events. So how do I break out of my shell? Is there a secret to being able to talk to other people?

A: Communicating is a skill, and like any other skill, it needs to be practiced if you want to get better at it. A lot of times, people tend to talk at people, rather than talk to them. Learning how to converse means doing a little bit of talking, and a little bit of listening. Conversations tend to end when that balance shifts to either extreme. If you’re doing all the talking, you’re not allowing space for the other person be to a part of the conversation. On the other hand, if you’re just standing there “listening,” it’s like conversing with a brick wall. The outcome is the same in either circumstance – the conversation gets boring and that awkwardness sets in.

So where should you start? The easiest thing you can do to practice is to start simple. Learn how to greet someone and ask them how their day is. That’s it. Start with people you know – your family, your friends. Refrain from talking about yourself and learn to pay attention to what they have to say. Notice the interaction and figure out appropriate responses.

Next time: learning how to end the conversation.